Fixing your PC is like getting a girl: it takes forever and a flipping day to get her to bed, and then once she’s there it’s over in a sec.
So like when you fix your PC: you search online for hours, you install and uninstall problems, you poke around your registry, then finally you call your geek friend or tech support, and in two snaps they suggest something simple - maybe blink, maybe throw your PC out the window, maybe fix a permission - and your PC is fixed.
But like you finally learned a few tricks to get chicks in bed faster - thank you, Spanish Fly - there are a few tricks you can use to fix your PC fast. The first sort of trick to fix your PC is spotting the issue.
So here’s the 411 to fix PC s, if:
Windows is Crashing or Won’t Start
Threat Level 1: Did you OK Windows Update to apply Windows patches automatically? Then important system files can change without your knowing, which might lead to your Windows system slowing or crashing. Luckily, Windows Update has a system checkpoint, so you can undo its error. If you’re on Windows XP, try System Restore to fix your PC. If you’re not on XP, restart your PC, and when you hear your computer beep, press “F8″ key and when the option appears, select “Last Known Good Configuration.”
Threat Level 2: That didn’t work? Smack your computer screen, and/or acknowledge that some hardware or key system application has gone south. Restart your computer in Safe Mode (reboot, wait your POST, press F8 key, and select Safe Mode). Next, you check for hardware issues with Windows Device Manager. To get there, select Start menu > Control Panel > Performance and Maintenance > System, select the Hardware tab, and click Device Manager. If you see any devices with a question mark (?) on them, double-click and see what it says. If you suspect that device of making trouble, you can uninstall by clicking the Start menu > Control Panel > Add or Remove Programs. Remove the devices, and restart your PC as normal. Cross your fingers and hope your PC doesn’t blow up.
Threat Level 3: Safe Mode was a no go? Your Windows system files might be ill. Like, “ill” as in “sick.” Not as in “cool.” So boot your system from your Windows XP CD, and when the option pops up “To set up Windows XP now,” click Enter. Accept that license agreement without reading, like usual. Then press R “To repair the selected Windows XP installation.” Your computer working? Give it a kiss, double check your firewall, and then click Start menu > All Programs > Windows Update and install any patches your system wants.
Scheduled Tasks Won’t Run
Threat Level 1: Your scheduled tasks aren’t running your PC? Trump says your PC is fired. I say fix your PC, and double check that, indeed, your scheduled tasks that you set up with the Windows Scheduling Wizard aren’t running. Click on Start menu > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Scheduled Tasks. If the right column displays that a scheduled task didn’t run, most likely it’s because of an out-dated password. Right-click the scheduled task that didn’t run under the Scheduled Tasks header, click Properties, and double-check that the “Run as” box is filled with a valid user. Then select the Passwords button and retype the password for that user.
Threat Level 2: Your PC shut you down again, like that hot chick next door? If changing your password didn’t work, review Windows Scheduler Wizard’s activity log. To open this log, click Start menu > All Programs > Accessories > System Tools > Scheduled Tasks. From Scheduled Tasks list, select Advanced, then View Log. Notepad will launch and open SchedLgU.txt. Select Edit, and Find “*****”. These fiver asteriks preface the most recent entries in the Scheduled Tasks activity log. Check the log for issues like invalid accounts or program errors.
Threat Level 3: No luck reviewing the Scheduled Tasks log? Create a new Windows system account that’s an administrator and create a password for it. Got it? Now open Scheduled Tasks one more time, click the “Add Scheduled Tasks” graphic, and enter your new account details in the wizard.
Some Files Won’t Open, Because They’re “Unreadable” or “Corrupted”
Threat Level 1: Let me be your (mis)fortune cookie: your system just crashed while software was writing data on your PC’s hard disk. Sound right? Your corrupted or unreadable file is probably just a single incident, then. And since most applications, like Microsoft’s Word, automatically save versions of your file as you work, you probably have a readable version of the file saved pre-crash.
Threat Level 2: Do you get unreadable/corrupt files after using your computer for a few hours without powering down? Try a tool like Motherboard Monitor to measure your PC’s inside temperature. If it’s hotter than a Vegas strip club (above 90° F/ 35° C), your hard drive is failing. Look at your PC’s fans and vents and make sure they’re clear and working.
Threat Level 3: The fans are looking good? Hot. So next time the corrupted or unreadable files popup, run Windows Check Disk to find flaws on your hard disk. To run Windows Check Disk, launch My Computer, right-click your drive, select Properties, click the Tools tab, select Check Now, and select Start. See any bad disk sectors? Give them a spanking. Or back up all your data and think about replacing your drive.
My System Won’t Start or See Its Hard Drive
Threat Level 1: When your system won’t boot, try, try again. Your system might just be cold. Literally. So try to start up again. No luck? Double-check all your cables and make sure no physical connections are loose.
Threat Level 2: If you installed a new drive lately, it might be shy. Check your PC’s jumper pins and dip switches on your drive to make sure the IDE devices’ master and slave settings don’t clash.
Threat Level 3: Take off that baseball cap - your drive might be dead, a key boot sector might be broken. You can use a CD-ROM utility to try and restart your PC and look into the issue. You could also physically take the drive out, make it a slave - no whipping, please - , and see if it works plugged into another functioning computer. If this fixes your PC’s drive, backup your key files from the drive and reformat.
My PC and Disk Access Is Slow
Threat Level 1: Go ahead and de-frag your hard drive, though a fragmented disk usually won’t make your PC slow too much. If you’ve got only 256 MB for RAM, it’s more likely that you need more memory. Install a gigabyte, and your 1992 Civic should turn into a new Porsche Carrera.
Threat Level 2: Run an anti-spyware application and check your PC for spyware. Spyware and adware can suck up a lot of RAM and slow down your PC. Get rid of the spyware bastards.
Threat Level 3: No spyware or adware or other parasites? For once in your Windows-loving life, you might shed a little tear. You might have a defective disk. So back up all your files and change your drive.